My side of the "tough decision"

Before getting roasted for asking Danielle to quit, I wanted to give my side of this. Some of this will only make sense if you can put yourself in my shoes, and if you don't agree with me - that's ok too. I don't feel entirely comfortable with the situation, but who would?

I did ask Danielle to quit. We have really been working on communicating more, and I told her last Monday that I didn't feel it was fair to go through the roller coaster of emotions any more.  (This is the point where it is completely ok to dislike me)

When I say roller coaster, here is what I mean:

• Doubt: I would have a severe amount of doubt. I would doubt myself, Danielle, her coworkers, any decisions in the past, any habits that I would correspond to the affair - I would doubt it all.

•  Insecurity: I find myself comparing myself to someone I don't know. And, since I don't know the person, everything is  more. He was more kind than I am. He was more caring. He listened more. She wanted him more. She loved him more. She enjoyed being around him more. Even if those things aren't true, it's what I felt. Clearly they had been true, and could be again. 

•  Anger: Always at the situation, never at her. She loved working there. She was great at what she did, she had friends there, she had so many opportunities ahead of her. And now, there was this situation which would always be in the way. He would be there. There was no chance in the near future for her to be away from him. Which leads to the next emotion...

• Fear/worry:  I didn't really worry about the near future. What worried me and made me afraid was time. Over time, the raw pain would ease. The wounds would scab over. Over time, it would be easy (since she couldn't be away from him) to laugh at his jokes. I mean, they shared the exact same group of friends - so not only could she not be away from him during work, she couldn't be away from him ever. So, it starts with jokes (which is how it started last time - he made her laugh), then it might be glances, then...who knows? But over time, it's a slow fade. Maybe she and I have a disagreement - and there he is again, willing to lend a shoulder (and who knows what else). This fear of him...it was crippling. She had fallen for him pretty hard, and was close to admitting she loved him. How easy would it be to fall back in to that?

This is why I asked her to think of me...to think of us...to think of Lexi and Rex.  Maybe it was selfish of me. Some have said "You have to let her show you can trust her again." My response is: there are a million ways for trust to be rebuilt. It shouldn't have to be putting her back in a situation right beside him again for her to show she's trustworthy.