I just quit my job.
Not something that I wanted to do. Considering the fact that I finally found something I was good at, and something I liked doing. But, it had to be done.
Given the state of my migraines, and the state of my marriage, it was the right decision. That doesn't make it any easier. But, it was still the right decision.
What I haven't been really open about, because of work, was the fact that my affair happened with someone I worked with. I hadn't wanted to put that out here in blog-world because I didn't want to make work more awkward than it already was.
See, I had been able to cut ties with that person, no problem. Even before I decided to make my marriage work, I was able to cut ties. What happened, happened, and now it's over. So, in my mind, I should still be able to work and go on with my life. But that wasn't the case. The stress of trying to deal with everything was causing my migraines to be more out of control than before. Even with botox, I was still in a considerable amount of pain every day.
I made the decision a couple weeks ago to try to work part time. Jacob had said he would support whatever decision I made, and I really thought this would be meeting him halfway and we could deal with it. That wasn't the case either. He really did try to be supportive of my decision. And I knew he would, if he could. He didn't want to ask me to quit my job. I mean, who would want to ask their spouse to give up something they enjoy?! But, I was also asking him to do something he couldn't do. He couldn't not have those fears. He couldn't not relive the pain.
So, the night before I was supposed to work, it would be terrible. He would be down, which would make me down. Then we would be up until and at all hours of the night trying to talk through those fears and pains. Which again, would make my head hurt worse. So that's when I decided I couldn't do this. I had to quit. I couldn't ask him to live that way.
I'm thankful to my employer for making it an easy transition. And I'm thankful to be able to leave on a good note, so if the time arises where I can go back, I will be able to re-apply and hopefully be re-hired.
I'm sure there are going to be hard times ahead. I'm sure I'm going to have moments of anger and resentment. But, I know that we will get through them. For right now, I know, 100%, that I've made the right decision.
My marriage will always be more important than anything else life throws at me.
