1 year update

Hey guys! I've been meaning to post for a while now. But life is all kinds of in the way.  In good ways!

So, as you all know, Jacob and I recommitted ourselves to each other on January 1, 2018.  He was willing to forgive my infidelity.  And we were both ready to fix the problems in our marriage. 

It was rough at first.  Naturally.  I never expected it to be easy.  I had spent a month away, so we were both trying to get used to being back together again.  Plus we were working through all the issues our marriage had. 

As time went on, I guess I was kind of expecting it to get easier.  And, in some ways it did.  It got easier to realize why we fell in love in the first place.  It got easier to see all the things we let get in the way of that love. 

But cheating wasn't the only thing Jacob had/has to worry about.  I've made a lot of dumb decisions in my life.  I've made a lot of dumb decisions in the past year.  Decisions that changed his ability to trust me.  And with every dumb decision it seemed like I set us back a whole year.  He legitimately has the right to question every move I make.  And my words literally mean nothing because of the decisions I've made...mainly to lie.  So how can you possibly trust a liar?!

I say all that not to say that things aren't great.  Because they are.  And I wouldn't change anything about our relationship now.  I say all of this to say that recovering from infidelity isn't like trudging up a hill, getting to the top and seeing level ground as far as the eye can see.  It's more like a roller coaster.  There are ups and downs.  It's not all smooth sailing.  Sometimes it's hard work.  Sometimes it's a glorious vacation. 

Even during the hardest times, when we're trudging uphill with no end in sight, I don't ever regret a single second of it.  I don't ever wish I could go back and make a different decision. 

I know everyone's story doesn't end like this.  I know everyone doesn't get the second chance to make their marriage work.  I wish they did.  Because it's amazing.  I fall deeper in love every day, and I'm so proud of the work we've put in.